Daddy's Girl

So, it has been almost two months since I have written and there is too much to catch up on.

I decided to leave Flagstaff and leave NAU behind. I don't regret my time in Flag at all. My year and a half there gave me opportunity to meet amazing people and live on my own. I think experienced more trials in that year and a half than I did in most of my life. My family was unstable, I made a lot of stupid decisions, and lost myself for a while. But I regret none of it.

I moved back down to the valley about a week and a half ago. My dad now has a place of his own and I decided that it would be best for me to live with him. I have loved being in his home. It is the first time that I have felt like I live in a real "home" in at least two years. My dad has flipped a 180 in the last six months. He is so loving and so outwardly happy. I haven't seen him like this in years and years. There is such a warm spirit in this house and I am so comfortable being here. The day I moved in, I found my sister, hugged her, cried and said, "I am home. I am safe." I am surrounded by those I love the most and I have never appreciated them more.

Not all is so blissful in the family, though. My mom is an entirely different story. She was the one who initiated the divorce but she seems to be taking it the hardest as well. The home in QC is no longer a happy place. Just walking into it weighs heavily on me. The spirit that dwells there is so dark and unpleasant. It has definitely taken a toll on my mom. Thankfully, she is moving into a new place and I think that will make a big difference in her behavior. The QC house was much too large for her to be in by herself, which she has been lately. She is emotionally unstable and the kids don't like to be around for too long because her good moments don't last too long.

There is another thing that is pretty new and also causing 'stress' (for lack of a better word) on our family. Dad has starting seeing another woman. It sounds so strange to say because it is very soon. He first introduced her to us kids the day after Christmas. He brought her home, without warning anyone, as his "friend", but I didn't buy it. Madie and I became very upset and took him aside and told him how we felt -- that it was too soon, too fast, what are you playing at?, who is she to you?, etc. He apologized and told us that he hadn't been doing anything inappropriate, that they weren't dating, just friends, but that after the divorce, she could potentially become someone special. Weird to think about. But Madie and I promised to be polite to her the first night we met. It was awkward and weird, but I went along with it.
A few days ago, my dad got the 'go-ahead' to date. And he told us kids right away. I really have appreciated my dad being straight-forward and honest with us, and with myself in particular. He has emphasized over and over again that he wants me to talk to him about anything that comes to mind, especially about what he is doing. He and I have been able to have many heart-to-hearts since I have been home -- more than we have had in the last three years combined. I feel closer to my dad than I can ever remember. And he is happy and radiant, which is something that I doubt anyone can recall my dad as, let alone for a consistent period of time.

I want both of my parents to find happiness again. My dad is well on his way and I hope my mom finds her path soon as well. I have faith that these trials are ours to experience and learn from and that peace will be made ours if we stay strong.