At A Crossroads

It's nearly 1 o'clock in the morning and I have class at 8 AM. But I don't even care. I need to write.

So, last week was my 20th birthday. Feels weird saying 'twenty' now instead of '_____teen'. The week of my birthday was a busy one. I was hired to photograph a wedding in Salt Lake City for a couple that I met up here in Flag and whose engagement photos I did back in September. It didn't seem to take long for my birthday/day of driving to arrive. But it came and the five days I spent away from my current reality brought me to a crossroads.

I have been struggling here in Flag. I'm not doing well in school, in my personal life, my 'home'/housing situation, my parents are (supposedly, according to Mom) getting a divorce, and so on. This isn't a plea for pity -- just understand that there are a few weighty things on my plate and I have been stretched to my limit here. I went to Utah, thankful for any excuse to escape from what my reality has become.

The game plan was Wednesday night/Thursday with family, Friday for wedding, Saturday with Chase, leave on Sunday. That's pretty much how it went.

I arrived Wednesday night to aunt Heather's where I cleaned up, Chase came over, we all chatted, then grabbed In-N-Out for dinner. Nothing too exciting, but totally fine by me. I spent Thursday with Heather and her kids, traipsing around to do whatever, visited some more family, then everyone came over to Heather's for pizza and (belated) birthday cake. That night, I packed up and headed to Chase's apartment to stay with him.

Just to backtrack for a moment, Chase was a missionary in my home ward when I was a junior in high school. We dated long-distance when he got off his mission for several months. It had been almost two years since we had seen each other. But we had been talking again for a while and made plans for me to stay with him while I was in Utah.

So, Thursday night I spent in Chase's apartment and I had to wake up super early to go drive to the hotel where the wedding party was staying at. That morning, I did the bride + all 5 bridesmaids + mother of the bride's makeup, and then we all headed to the wedding ceremony. I could write an entirely separate post about the wedding and all. It was beautiful and I was privileged to be able to photograph it. After the wedding, I had a few hours before I had to be present at the reception, so Chase and I were treated to lunch by his best friend/co-worker at WGU. Chase ended up tagging along with me to the reception, too. It was an adorable, charming location and I am very happy with the pictures.

Saturday morning, Chase took me out to brunch at a quaint diner called Ruth's, hidden in the middle of a beautiful canyon. It was overwhelmingly picturesque. The diner itself was an original diner car on a train in the 1930s that was built on to create the diner. It embodied the quirky and whimsical nature of the 1950s décor with bright yellow walls, retro lamps that gave off a warm, golden glow, hardwood flooring, and a large photo of Ruth herself standing in front of a jukebox, cigarette hanging from her mouth, Chihuahua in her arms. Here I found myself sitting across from a familiar face, with nothing else to worry about. And outside the white paneled windows, snow was falling.

(if that didn’t set the scene for you, then I don’t know what will)

Right around that time, I began to wonder what I was doing with myself and think about the life that I had to go back to the next day. Chase and I spent the rest of Saturday with his sisters, traipsing around the mall and IKEA. We dropped his sisters off and went back to his apartment. The rest of the night, we stayed up laughing and talking, ordered pizza at midnight, and enjoyed each other’s company.

My alarm went off at 8:30 AM on Sunday morning. I shut it off and lay in bed for several more hours. It wasn’t until one o’clock in the afternoon that I finally pulled myself up, packed my things in my car, said goodbye to Chase, and left.

Since being back in Flag, I have had mixed feelings about everything going on in my life. For four/five days, I was truly happy with where I was and what I was doing. I was in a beautiful place with a great guy in his cute apartment, getting paid to take photos, not stressing, not rushing. Now I am back to being in and out of my house, going to classes that I have grown to no longer enjoy, and am unsatisfied with life. At the same time, I am scared out of my mind to say that. For the last four years, I have been gearing myself towards music education. Music has always been a huge part of my life. The idea of switching directions in my life scares me beyond words. But I no longer find happiness and/or interest in music like I used to. I am happy when I do hair and take pictures. The night I got back to Flag, I had a wild idea to leave NAU, move to Utah, get transferred to a Sally Beauty, and enroll in cosmetology school. The weird thing is, I want to make it happen. I am at a crossroads. Should I stay in Flag and finish what I started or do I go for it? I feel like I am craving to start an entirely new chapter in my life. This could be what turns the page for me.

Crossing my fingers

I have a theory about the universe. It's entirely unfounded on logic, but honestly, it seems like whenever I voice excitement or hope about something, it goes down the drain within a day. I would stay quiet about the things that I don't want to spoil, but I have the hardest time. I'm always anxious to tell the whole world about exciting news. Ughhh. Can't help it. I could write about my night last night, but I'm not going to. It was unexpected. I finally got the guts to share some feelings with a guy I dig. Now, I'm trying not to get my hopes up or anything, so I'm leaving it at that.


On an entirely different note, I am SO STOKED for Coldplay's new album, Mylo Xyloto, that will be released on October 24. I loved their EP, Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall. However, their latest single came from MX and it felt like someone was speaking to my soul. I don't know how musicians do it, but Coldplay has a particularly strong effect on me. So, go here to listen to this gem of a single. It is definitely among my top 10 favorite songs of all time now.

When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,
But it flew away from her reach,
So she ran away in her sleep.

Dreamed of para-para-paradise,
Para-para-paradise,
Para-para-paradise,
Every time she closed her eyes.

Just some thoughts

1. The rain tonight was insane.
2. Watched V For Vendetta tonight with Sterling.
3. Had mac & cheese at midnight.
4. I need to be more assertive.
5. I kind of want to change my major.
6. Going to fall asleep now.

Last night

I went on a date. And it was excellent. I hope this is just the beginning.

Knock on wood.

sweet summertime.

Man, it has been ages since I've done any writing. I don't want to go into crazy details about everything that happened but maybe a summary will work.

June:
Summer school and work. Said goodbye to Jackson and Kason.

July:
Finished up summer school and that same day drove home to make my flight to Florida where my family and I ported out of Tampa for our five-day cruise to the island of Cozumel, Mexico. The cruise ship itself initially was quite astounding and pretty dang awesome. But I can see how it would be much more fun with alcohol involved. My favorite part of the cruise was actually spending the day on the island where we swam with sting rays, rented Jeeps, drove down to a little beach, ate at an authentic local restaurant on the beach where shoes were not necessary and the fish tacos were like heaven.

After the cruise, I stayed an extra few days with my aunt Brooke who leaves in Gainesville. She made my dream come true when she took me to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter the day before the midnight showing of the final HP movie. THAT was my favorite part of my whole summer.
And then the midnight showing of HP & DHP2:

The rest of July consisted of working back in Flag. I also drove home the last weekend in July to say goodbye to the Twins and Jake.

August:
Now, I'm back to work. I have been having a really hard time in the house recently. I hope things work out. I miss Lendal and Josh like nobody's business. Lendal will be back for a night to drop off his school things before he heads to St. Louis for the last week before school. Josh moves in to his apartment just down the street in a week. It will be so wonderful to have them back. School starts in 14 days. Bring it on.

"You asked me once what I would remember -- this and much more."

My boys. My best friends since 8th grade.
My brothers are leaving on their missions over this summer, between June and August. I went home this weekend for our friend Amy's baptism and the last reunion for all of us. Today was the last day I got to see Jackson before he leaves on his mission.

Zach, Ben, Josh, Kason, Jackson, & Dylan

Jackson & I

Kason, Dylan, & Zach

Kas & I

Jackson. I am going to miss him so much.

why I love people.

I was hired at Sally Beauty Supply during the last week of April. Since working there, I have found a love for this new job of mine and a new skill I never knew I had in sales. There are 11 Sally stores in our district and the district keeps tabs on our sales. There are three categories that they keep track of in particular, called KPIs (Key Performance Indicators): Beauty Club Cards (BCC) - a discount card we offer to our customers that saves them up to 10% on each purchase for an initial $5 fee, Items of the Month (IOMs) are discounted little items we try to add on to a sale at the register, and Extended Protection Plans (EPPs) which are extended warranties on electrical items like blow dryers, flat/curling irons, clippers, etc. For the month of June, I was #1 for BCCs and #2 for IOMs and EPPs out of all employees in the district. In all honesty, I wasn't reaching for those goals; I was just doing what I was taught to do in training and throwing in my personality. Apparently it worked in my favor and I am happy to have found something new that I am good at. Just something I wanted to share with you all. Not really what I intended to write about.

What I wanted to write about was a few memorable encounters I had last night at work.

1. I love people with personality.
Customer service is a huge component to my job, so naturally I spend most of my time on the sales floor offering assistance to customers. My first encounter was when I approached a cute, young black girl who had to be about sixteen and asked her if I could help her find anything. She said she was just shopping with her older sister and pointed to her sister who at that exact moment was browsing the hair extensions and exclaimed to herself, "These are $34.99 with my Sally's card?! GURRRLL!!!" I turned, looked at her and said, "That was, by far, the best reaction anyone has ever had in this store," and laughed. She was so freaking excited about the price and quality that she was getting and she just chatted my ear off for a good 15 minutes. I was thoroughly entertained. When she was at the check-out, my co-worker asked her if she was going out for the night or what the occasion was, to which she replied, "Gurl, I ain't nobody special. You know me. I just try to be lookin' fine. You know how it is."

2. I love people that are easy-going.
Again, I was walking the sales floor. I turned to walk down the middle aisle where the blow dryers and flat/curling irons are. When I did, I saw a guy who had to be in his mid-20s, looking overwhelmed at the selection in front of him. He made eye contact with me with a look that said I am so lost. I smiled and said, "Can I help you with something?" and he emphatically replied, "Absolutely." He told me he wanted to get his girlfriend a nice blow dryer. I smiled and commended him for being a good boyfriend and asked what price range he was working with. Under $80. I told him I could hook him up with a great one for $50. I asked him about his girlfriend's hair type and just general questions to get an idea of what would work best for her. Then he said, "Just point at it and I'll buy it." So, I scanned the dryers for a minute and found the perfect one. A $50 Ion dryer that we were having a June special on -- it came with a free mini travel flat-iron. Double win for this guy. I grabbed the dryer off the shelf, found the coupon, and the flat-iron and the guy said, "Whoa, it comes with this for free?" And I said, "Yup. This is dryer has the two basic components that any girl would want: ionic and ceramic technology, and it comes with the free flat iron. Double-whammy. You're girlfriend is going to looove you." He smiled at me and said, "Thank you so much for your help. You're a doll."

3. I love people with beautiful souls.
This last encounter was definitely the most memorable. I thought about it for the rest of my shift.
I was straightening up an aisle when a small, very pregnant Middle Eastern woman approached me with two small sons trailing behind her. She spoke in a thick accent, but her English was understandable.
Let me pause for a moment and let you know that I have an unknown affinity for people of Middle Eastern descent. I think they and their culture are beautiful and fascinating. No idea why.
So, this young mother was looking for hair products. I couldn't see her hair because it was all bundled up into the trendy little hat she was wearing. She took off her hat and had long, thick, curly hair but I could tell she was battling a lot of frizz. I immediately knew what I wanted to give her -- our newest product in the store, a Keratin straightening treatment that reduces frizz 90-100%, curl 50%, and strengthens hair. The results I've seen are legitimately awesome. I explained to her what the product was and what it did. As I was talking to her, her son interjected, "Umm, excuse me? Excuse me? Your name is Alex?" I laughed and realized my Sally tag was at his eye-level, so I figured out he had read my name. I said, "Yeah, is your name Alex, too?" He raised an eyebrow at me and said, "Nooo..." I went back to helping his mom who apologized and told me he was learning how to read and was very excited about everything. I thought both little boys were adorable.
ANYWAYS -- this woman was very interested about the Keratin treatment, so she took the shampoo and conditioner and said she would come back in a week for the treatment itself. She needed help over in the nail aisle with something and was asking me questions about a certain product when her boys got rambunctious for a moment. She called them both over and then in a soft but stern tone told her boys to behave in her native tongue. I have no idea exactly what she said, but I loved listening to her talk. She returned back to me and I asked, "If you don't mind... where are you from originally?" and she told me she was from Saudi Arabia. I told her that I thought that was really neat and that her language was lovely. She smiled and thanked me. I then asked her when her baby was due. She was three weeks away from her due date and explained that's why she was trying to get so much done beforehand. I asked if it was a boy or a girl. It was a girl, and then I asked what her name was to be.
"Sidrah," she said. For some reason, I more than loved the name. It was beautiful in her language and I just smiled and said, "That's beautiful. Congratulations." and helped her finish shopping.
At the check-out, the two little boys were drawing on paper as I rang up the items. I asked her again to repeat what her baby's name was and again, just said I thought it was so lovely. I then asked her if it meant anything in particular. She said, "It is a new name in my country. Do you know what the Qur'an is?" and I nodded. "Sidrah comes from the Qur'an. It means Tree in Heaven." I loved the meaning. At the time, I didn't know the significance of Sidrah in the Qur'an, but I appreciated the spiritual context from which it came. During the whole time I was helping this sweet woman, I felt a spiritual bond with her. It seems a bit silly, seeing as I work in a beauty supply and I was helping her find shampoo and the like, but really. She was a special spirit. We were two entirely different women from totally different walks of life, but I felt a kinship that I know could have come from nowhere else but the commonality that we shared in both being daughters of God.

I have come to see and realize the beauty in humanity since moving to Flagstaff. I love meeting people. I love differences. I don't even mean visible differences, but personalities as well. There is something beautiful about every person on this earth. I know that seems cliche to say, but I have personally found this truth in my life and have a new appreciation for people.